A Big and Warm Hello to the reader/s,

My LinkedIn summary reads that I am a late bloomer. This is true. For a large part of my life, I was a homemaker who dreamt of having a career but did not believe in herself to make it happen.

I was raised in a conservative family with the notion of a perfect housewife. I was constantly compared to my brother about how he was smarter, intelligent, and better-looking. I grew up with very low self-esteem and very little confidence in myself and it was seen by all (including me) as introversion. My life decisions were made mostly by my mom and dad and I lacked the courage to speak up against them.

I graduated, got married and had a child by the age of 24. I settled in that life thinking that was my destiny. “She has a perfect life”, was what everybody thought. But not me.

Much later in life, I found my inner voice which told me that I want much more in life than just family. I wanted to explore but I was directionless. I decided to turn my life in the direction that I’ve always longed for. After a gap of 14 yrs, I went back to college, got a degree in education, completed post-graduation, started a career as a school teacher and now I am one of the three founding members of a Startup.

But the inner conflict continued.

Initially, I felt empowered and loved the challenges; but slowly I started questioning my capabilities. Although I was completely aware of the challenges I’ll have to face and the efforts I’ll have to make to do justice to this position, since I was working parallely with two highly experienced founders, there were times when I would feel completely useless, lost, insecure, and jealous. I would dismiss the compliments and appreciation because a voice would always tell me –“I am less than others”. I would not ask for help, thinking that it’s a sign of weakness. I would find excuses to not go to the office if other founders were not going.

All this while I was also dealing with menopause. I had become an emotional wreck, and that’s when I realised that I needed help.

After a few sessions with Ananya, I found myself in a much better state. I realised the important thing is learning and that the pace doesn’t matter. I know, acknowledge, and celebrate my efforts and achievements and I am filled with positivity. I look forward to going to the office hoping to learn something new every day. I attend all the discussions and meetings on business strategies even if I have nothing to offer. I sit there to learn and understand. I have now gathered enough confidence to lead the team meetings.  

The inner conflict is still there.

I still struggle. I still feel lost sometimes. I still get insecure at times. But I am not jealous anymore. I am filled with positivity. I am a fighter. I have started to believe in my capabilities. My self-esteem and my confidence have increased manifold. I have learnt that asking for help is a sign of strength.

I haven’t yet conquered my demons completely. But I am trying.

It’s a long way and I am on it!!

One day at a time.

Author: Meenakshi, a Teacher by Luck and an Entrepreneur by Choice.